Friday, March 31, 2006

The Fly On The Wall presents

the fly on the wall presents...

entry 3: march 31, 2006

dedicated to the twenty-somethings

in less than 24 hours, i will officially have lived twenty-three years on this great earth. and it is on this special day that we tend to reflect on where we stand as participants in this life, a status-to-date if you will.

my vital signs read stable: recent college grad (beep) living on my own (beep) thousands of miles away from the perpetually rainy city i called home (still do...fresh air trumps palm trees...beep).

stable. so i thought.

i’m also broke (beep) broke (beep..beep) broke (beeeeeeep...). oh i know what you’re saying, me too! me too! ¡yo también! (sé).

but i can’t help but wonder, in a hypothetical situation where i am eleven months out of college, standing right around the corner from the big 2-3, can i write a check for a pack of trident (passion fruit) gum at corner store and feel grown? can i half-jokingly invite my friends to a birthday dinner at ihop while secretly hyping myself up for unlimited pancakes because...i’m half-joking, and feel grown?


the obsession with being grown, or the perception of being grown, has weighed on my mind since my early twenties (ok, earlier twenties). and then by your mid-early twenties, you have the added pressure of being grown and sexy? i’m sorry if, on my birthday (which happens to be the dreaded and glorious 1st of the month), i choose to submit my check to beverly* the landlady than hand it over to the cashier lady at the
beverly center. (although, to be fair, a new fit could serve as a makeshift tent should i find myself evicted).

so in light of my mid-early-twenties-life crisis, i have come to the revelational understanding that being grown, it’s all relative.

amidst all these other recent grads in my life, i’ve witnessed the sally, jesse and raphael’s of my generation on the path to owning a house when the closest thing to a house that i own is a subscription to
better homes and garden .

is it then that the jamie, lee and curtis’ of the world, on the grind everyday and have only a claim to their mother’s magazine subscription to show for it (so, i lied!) any less grown? i need no answers.

i need no validation.

i simply turn to Einstein, who’s Special Theory of Relativity is summarized as such: “different observers moving at different rates of speed will find that the laws of physics and the speed of light remain the same, even though they will have different perceptions of time and distance” (

so putting my COMM** degree to good use, this scientific evidence leads me to conclude that our perceptions of being grown are relative to the speed at which we are moving in life. on a very surface level, some seem to be reaching that point at an increasingly accelerated pace, while the rest of us are perceived to be at a standstill.

but not our bank accounts, our cars nor our birthday activities will dispel the fact (who dares to argue with Einstein?) that despite our perceptions of how we got there and how long it took, it remains that we are here now.

and in less than 24 hours, celebrating another year on this great earth, proudly declaring, “YES! i would like hashbrowns with my pancakes”...(what?).

*names have been changed to protect my rent-controlled apartment
**the fly is not trained in the sciences...contrary to popular belief.

Newest Residents of Splitsville

(courtesy of C&D)

I'm wundrin' what new lyrics AK will write for Kimora and Russell's line from 'Unbreakable?'

Anways, read the article here.

*My roomate's observation is that the rule is just don't get married on an island, cus the next is about Mat LeBlanc divorcing his wife. The couple also elected to get married on an island*


Thursday, March 30, 2006

I'm Bizack

Aight, fam....

Thank you for the supportive comments while I was going through my issues. I've decided that I am going back to my initial game plan with a few modifications, but pressing on nonetheless. Plus, I won't be neglecting my blog as much.

This morning I woke feeling rejuvenated and motivated and full of a sense of purpose. I prayed and went on about my day - everything is going to be okay.

I'll holla.


Friday, March 24, 2006

real sh*t

As many of you may notice, I've been going through some issues lately. It's most noticeable in my absence here at ElleB-dom. Although I could update the blog, there is little I can say about my career and I don't want to post just for the sake of posting - although you can see that's been the case a couple of times. In any event, this is real life. Trying to break into music isn't easy. During my brief experiences so far, I've gained a tremendous amount of respect for artists/celebrities in music. The pressure of being a public figure, the expectations of fans, ect can be extremely nerve wrecking.

Being a singer/songwriter, my sole purpose is to connect with people through music. To share my experiences and stories with people outside of my arm's reach. My intention is to bear my soul, share my heart while giving you something that is fulfilling either spiritually or simply for entertainment value. That is my mission is all of this.

I claimed 2006 as the year of progress for me, Elle B. I still stand by it, but without a strong foundation, an empire can't stand to rise. And in building my foundation, I've had to confront some things in my life that were hinderances, either personally or externally. As the first quarter of 2006 is coming to a close next week, I am in a place where I am deeply saddened by the loss of someone extremely dear to me - so bear with me as I take the necessary steps to move on with my life and continue in my pursuit of greater things.

Noone told me the road would be easy, in fact, they told me it would be difficult. But I didn't understand what that meant until I experienced that personal and professional road blocks can take a person off course. I am working on becoming self-sufficient to the point that these road blocks don't lead to self-doubt and fear. I am facing demons that have lied dormant because I could comfortably avoid them. No more.

I know this seems a bit tangential and you may be wondering, where in the hell this is coming from? Just wanted to let you know what Elle is going through and that I'm on my way back.

Just be patient with me.


Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Love Below

So today I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life. Walking away from the greatest love in my life. It's not music. But now that I am walking away, it will be music.

I found that my emotional situation with my first love was becoming oppressive on my life. Without stability in the situation, I lacked motivation for anything and everything. Love was literally crippling.

But a transition has been in the works for some time now. I could see that in this situation, I'd never succeed in music. I was limiting myself.

In a recent article, Andre 3000 addresses why he'll never get married. I think I know what he means now...

Outkast star Andre '3000' Benjamin fears he'll never settle down and marry because long relationships hinder music-making.

The singer, who has a son with Erykah Badu, can't think of one married music star whose work has improved after they exchanged vows.

He says, "Me and a friend of mine were having this discussion, 'Do artists get better when they get married or do they get worse?' It seems like they get worse.

"It's crazy because most of the great songs are about somebody being hurt or the search for love, but, once you find it, it's like nobody wants to hear the whole song."

*I don't want to be lonely, but some relationships aren't healty*

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Mood: Blah

In addition to being a woman and other non-sensical emo sh*t going on in my life, today was feeling like the pits, until I had this IM convo:

Auto Response from RellDog15: hey
MsTrojanChocol8: sup, homie
Auto Response from RellDog15: in the library
Auto Response from RellDog15: chillin
Auto Response from RellDog15: i meant to tell you
Auto Response from RellDog15: "despite what they say" is developing a cult like underground following here
MsTrojanChocol8: word?
Auto Response from RellDog15: cause it's on regular rotation just like any other artist
Auto Response from RellDog15: and i had it playin in the car one day
Auto Response from RellDog15: and some friends heard and it was like "who is that?"
Auto Response from RellDog15: lol you know me
Auto Response from RellDog15: i was like
Auto Response from RellDog15: oh shoot this this new chick out of Cali
Auto Response from RellDog15: they were like yo send it to me when you get back to your apt
MsTrojanChocol8: tight
MsTrojanChocol8: this is like the highlight of my day

*thanks Rell for repping me in North Carolina*

Monday, March 20, 2006

Mixtape Master....

So I mentioned in a previous post that I am gonna do a mixtape. I've already got some ideas for tracks I am gonna sing over, but I wanted to ask ya'll - the reading public - to name some of your favorite RnB/Hip-Hop tracks of all times.

I haven't picked a theme for the mixtape just yet, so here's your chance to give some input.

*Holla at your girl*

Partial list of songs I've chosen so far:
*song cry/too hurt to cry*
*Love of My Life*
*Queen B*tch*

I'll be waiting...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Quick and Dirty....

My good friend was here this past weekend and I took vacation from work for two days. Now I'm back in the office - I've got a lot of career updates, but no time right now to share.

In the meantime: check out Rihanna's new video S.O.S. (Rescue Me)

MA said she is looks like Rihanna + Beyonce = Rhihonce.

I like the song and the video is uber chic, but he does have a point.


*P.S. This isn't the best quality...check out a better version on AOL (search Rihanna).*

Sunday, March 12, 2006


My good friend was here this weekend and hipped me to the rumor that Matthew Knowles is really Kelly's father...and that Solange is the only child from Matthew and Tina... That would make for an interesting investigation considering Beyonce don't look like Matthew at all.

Anyways, this is only the rumor - but look at them...can't you see some similarities.

Okay this ends my gossip moment.

*Have a great weekend*

Thursday, March 09, 2006

No False Idols...

So last night my boy suggested that I come out with an RnB mixtape. I had considered the idea before, so I was open to the suggestion. Figuring, I'm not too sure what may happen with the label yet, I'm not too sure that I want to move forward with putting out a full independent album, but I still need a product in the meantime for performances, promos, ect. I was feeling it - even woke up this morning with the idea on the brain.

But this morning in Gmail Chat...he had another suggestion - that I try out for American Idol.

He made some valid points as to why and how AI could be beneficial to my career:
1. Exposure
2. Exposure
3. Exposure

which is to sum up all of his points (although he said a lot more than that).

He also listed the various idols who were "losers" on the show but went on to have amazing careers:

1. Kelly Clarksen
2. Bo Bice
3. Fantasia

and the list goes on. But having tried out for Diddy's MTB sophomore year of college and not making the cut, I learned this...

That while these shows are have their benefits, their success is mitigated by so many other factors and you have to 'fit' what they are looking for (althoug that's the the industry - everyone is looking for a 'type'). With MTB, I wasn't 'hood' enough. And who knows, I may get far on AI, but I'm just not interested.

And if I am going to be rejected, I'd rather not be being humiliated by a Brit, fomer Laker girl...and well, eh, Randy's cool with me (he can rip a guitar).

You may counter my sentiments by reminding me that this is the entertainment business, one lends to the other. True as that may be, so is the circus but that doesn't mean I'll fit. My concern is that in order to be taken seriously, you have to present yourself that way - cattle call auditions and scathing unwarranted criticism for ratings somehow don't equate to the pursuite of success.

Instead, I think my energy would be best spent grinding to network and make solid contacts with people in the industry instead of stunting on Fox Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I personally don't think a "serious" creator of music would go the way of AI, unless they are a judge - and even then that's up for debate.

I've been known to sit high up on my high horse, so I'm asking...what do you think?

*p.s. thanks SH for all of your suggestions, they are appreciated and dully considered. this post in not meant to prompt a personal convo*

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Come on Ride The Train...

So people, I've missed interacting with I want to try something new.

This idea came about last night while at the gym and I had my ipod on shuffle. It went from Prince's Pink Cashmere to Jay-Z's Cashmere Thoughts...

So I thought it might be fun if we had a little fun to keep the song train going...

I will start off by with a song title and the next person picks a song title that starts with the last word of the previous title (as illustrated above)...

And I pick 'Life Goes On' by Donell Jones

*please don't make me look like a dork...participate*

Monday, March 06, 2006

I Pray it Won't Get this Far...

Now you say you're lonely
You cried the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
Now you say you're sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
Cause I cried, I cried
I cried a river over you
You drove me,
Nearly drove me out of my head
While you never shed a tear
I remember all that you said
Told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and
Now you say you say love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
You drove me
Nearly drove me out of my head
While you never shed a tear
I remember all that you said
Told me love was to plebeian
Told me you were through with me...
And now, now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do...
Come on! and cry, cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river...
Cause I cried a river over you
If my pillow could talk
Imagine what it would've said
T'would be a river of tears
I cried in bed
So you can cry me a river
Daddy, go ahead now and cry that river
Cause I cried how I cried
A river over you

'Cry My A River' Performed by Ella Fitzgerald

No song ever really describes the situation exactly, but I fear this is what's happening.
I wish I were stronger, but I'm not.

*Man, love is still whooping my ass*

Bad Blogger...

yeah, yeah, yeah...I haven't been in the best blogging mood lately. I apologize for the hitatus of sorts, but the least I can do is keep you updated on my career.

As it were, 'the producer' and I have yet to hook up, although I did have a chance to talk to the 'label exec' today. The songs I sent him with my regular producer, were in his words "cool," but that I still need to "work with some other producers."

This is good because he's still interested in me. I'm still in the game.

I've got a new lead, potentially with a fairly well known West Coast DJ, who is also a client of my publicist, so we will see what comes of it.

In other news, I am trying to figure out how I can perform at Black Lily on March 21st.

Oh and I had my first corporate annual review at work today...and I got a raise. WooHoo!

*It does rain in Southern California*

Friday, March 03, 2006

Okay, Player...

I'm watching it tonight with my roomies...

Check out some cool links:

*have a good weekend and I promise I'll try to be a better blogger next week*

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Fight On!

I never thought Reggie was cute until I saw these pics... but somebody please tell me, where is LenDale at?

*Loyal Leo Love her LenDale*

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Tell Em Why You Mad, Son...

You told me that I was like an angel
Told me I was fit to wear a crown
So that you could get a thrill
You put me on a pedestal
And then you let me down, let me down.

You told me that I'd be wearing diamonds
I would have the smartest car in town
Made me think that I'm the top
And then you let the ladder drop
You know you let me down, let me down

I walked upon a rainbow
I clung onto a star
You had me up in heaven
That's why I had to tall so far

I was even looking for a cottage
I was measured for a wedding gown
That how I got cynical
You put me on a pinnacle
And then you let me down, let me down
How you let me down

"You Let Me Down" Performed by: Billie Holiday.

You gave yourself to so many women
but you cant even committ to me
looks like I was another option
not your top hurts and so does my heart.