Ah, soon-to-be-quarter-life-crisis...

I.am.okay.

BUT, I will say that I am becoming a bit freaked out by the fact that I am pushing mighty close to 23. I still have a youthful look, but it's my nature to become so uptight that I forget to live in the moment and appreciate the progress that I am making...and to exasperate this unfortunate characteristic, I am terrified of 25.

It's not that I don't want to get older, but I am feeling anxious. It could be that my entire life, I've prided myself on striving to be above average and suceeding most of the time - it could be that I am now a full fledged adult and I miss my childhood, but most likely it's the fact that I feel as though I am starting late. Late, in my music career.

Only recently have I begun to feel as though I am aging way too fast... here are a few reasons why:

- RnB seeems to be getting younger and younger:

older acts are trying to imulate teenie-boppers; teenie-boppers look 25

- In my first meeting with 'the producer' he asked me how old I was. When I told him 22, he asked me if that was my real age. *can be interpreted in a variety of ways*

Now, I don't believe that 50 cent is 29 or that Ne-Yo is only 23 or hell, that Alicia Keys was 21 when she first went mainstream. Age manipulation is a part of the game. And while I understand the politics of entertainment and maintaining the fantasy...it will only be so long before I am not really in my early twenties and have to lie about how old I am.

But how old will I be when I am at least marginally successful? Especially when you look at someone like Anthony Hamilton, for whom it took 10 years to get his first major release? I wonder if I've started too late!!! And today is May 1st; I am less than a year into my full-time music career.

I went to college and graduated. That was a promise that I made to myself - get your education, so that you will always have something to fall back on. But now, as I am getting the quarter-life-crisis jitters, I wonder if this is the consequence for not having faith/confidence to embark on this journey sooner. The opportunities provided to me because I went to college cannont be disregarded. Nor, can I knock myself because I chose a path and stayed on it - this is just the rode that I am on - despite its irregularity.

I told my roomate that I once wished the weeks would go by faster because working in a cubicle 8 hours a day was hell. But now that it is the first of May and 2006 is almost half gone I am now careful of what I wish for.

I may be starting late in the game by some standards. I could be getting an itch because there is a really great opportunity looming or I am just in waiting for the next level of my career. Either way, I've decided not to get ahead of myself and just take it day-by-day.

*As you can see, I've got a lot on my mind*

*Elle B. performing at USC BAA Gala
**Photo: Leroy Hamilton