Monday, April 03, 2006

food for thought...

Peep the convo below and then tell me what you think about the questions that follow:

B: my mom was giving me shit this weekend about kids
(again)
me: WTF!!!
B: I know.
Friday like, an hour after I got home
you should've heard her!
she was like, pissed
I'd said something about not wanting them anyway
and she went off
"Well, you're about to be 24 anyway..."
(I've been 23 for 5 minutes.)
B: "And you still have grad school, that's another four years, and hopefully you meet a guy there, by then you're already 28, you date and fall in love, that's another few years and maybe you'll get married, by then you're already 30..."
me: wow
so that's your life in nutshell
B: "Then you want another few years before you start thinking about kids, that's 35 and then you'll decide you don't want em, and by then you'll be 40."
me: thanks mom
lol
B: (this was all in one breath)
me: whew
B: I was like, "You just planned out my whole damn life, huh?"
I couldn't even speak after that
I was staring at her, completely stunned
me: i'd be the same way
B: like, where did all that hostility come from?
she sounded mad
me: tell her to talk to Alicia* (her sister)
B: lol
too young
me: well next time
you can say, start warming alicia up to the idea
she's in a better position
she make not like it
but hey, bring attention to the fact that there is another womb around
lol
B: lol
we would never wanna take attention away from the chick(s) brandon's* (her brother) gonna knock up
me: shaking my head
why is that depressing?
B: because it's a distinct possibility
me: funny, cus that's what I worry about my lil brother
and I'm really worried because I think he's 13 years old mentally when it comes to responsibility
B: I know what you mean

questions:
1. why are there still these expectations on career oriented women to have the house with the white picket fence and 2.3 children?
2. why are our mothers mad at us for not wanting that life?
3. why aren't our mother's sons given higher expectations?
4. what will happen to relationships between black men and women, given the increased opportunities for black women (who satisfy double minority quotes *black and female*) and the increased plight of black men (check this article)?
5. what is the black woman's responsibility to the black community given what we know?

*I know this is kind of a heavy topic, but it's real*
*names have been changed.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

3. why aren't our mother's sons given higher expectations?

Come on elle....you have got to be kidding

G

3:49 PM  
Blogger Elle B. said...

hardly...

everytime I've asked why things were more difficult for me than my brothers I was told that it's because I was a girl.

there is an saying...black mothers love their sons and raise their daughters. I have two brothers for whom I can provide many examples.

I'm not saying it to be one dimensional or as a generic statement, but as dichotomy between the two. you notice I I said mother's sons.

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Answers (i can only speak from my perspective)

1. i think career oriented women want to have a house (prolly in their own name) with 2.3 children, but at a later age. The expectations still exist because that is a form of success; however, our generation wants to delay it.

2. they want, what they see as, security for their daughters.

3. in my life, as a male, I think my expectations are different from my sister. Also, a lot of black women put expectations on themselves to NOT be like their mother or to NOT make the same mistakes as their mothers, which makes it harder to fulfill their mother’s expectations.

As for my black male friends, their mothers may not have don’t many expectations on their sons because, for the most part, their fathers put the expectations. In my case (in a single parent home), I believe that my expectations are higher than my sister because of the absence of my father.

4. Continued long term destruction of the black community. Take away the black man, you cannot have a black family. Without a black family, you cant have the black community. Without the black community, we lose our identity and in 400 more years, black people will be in museums.

5. keep doing what yall are doing in terms of success. The problem is amongst black men…I don’t have a solution. I wish I knew

4:12 PM  

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