PSA: Stay Away from Kevins

Ladies, the next time you meet a man name Kevin, RUN! I know I will. Starting with my freshman year of college, Kevin's have been all bad. It's strange because once I started to notice that 'Kevin=Bad' trend, I began to think, how is it that I've avoided all Kevins until I got to college? The last one I knew of was from my early childhood and he always got in trouble. I guess I should have made mental note then...climbing brick walls into other people's backyard should have been enough to tell.

I know you are probably wondering, what prompted this PSA. I'll tell you. I just got a phone call from 'Kevin's' wife, slyly trying to sniff out who her husband has been creeping with. Well guess what, it sure as HELL ain't me. First of all, I don't mess with married men. My parents have been married for 26 years, and I would cut a b*itch...so needless to say that's not my cup of tea. But what's more, when I met this particular Kevin at my favorite reggae club this summer, I gave him my number out of mercy - at best he could hook up my hair. Yes, people...this Kevin, introduced himself as a male and female stylist. He was nice enough, I think we danced, actually and maybe he bought me a drink, but I thought he was bi and well, I don't like double dippers.

So this morning I get a call from a 323 number, first three digits 777-XXXX. I already know what part of LA that number is from and I wonder as I pick it up, who do I still talk to over there.

Elle: Hello
Wife: Is this Lauren?
Elle: This is she.
Wife: Hi Lauren. I am putting all of my husband's phone numbers in his book, he cuts your hair right?
Elle: Who is your husband?
Wife: Kevin. He cuts your hair right?
Elle: *unconvingly after a long pause to place which Kevin this is* Yeeeaaaaahhhhh....
Wife: *not convinced* See I was just checking his numbers to make sure I get all of his clients numbers into his appointment book, you go over there evey week?
Elle: Um hmm. That's so nice of you to do that.

My ears are actually burning because that could have been an ugly mess. Thank god I had my coffee this morning and was quick on my toes. The last thing I need is some chick with my cell number screaming at me while I'm at work...

Other infamous Kevins:

1. Dated him for about 3 mo. spring semester freshman year...had a questionable occupation. The kicker: would show up hours late for picking me up with no explanation. Once he told me a story of one of his boys getting pinched in one of Kevin's cars, I had to let it go.

2. Met him freshman year at an art store and later found out that he hollar'd at another girl I lived with.
The kicker: pretty much only worked at the art store, got drunk and masturbated. He seemed pretty proud of his porn collection...I wasn't very impressed.

There are more, but I can't remember. Just stay the HELL away from 'em.

*and I'm done*