Thursday, December 15, 2005


Do you know what it's like to be in love?

I mean really, really, really in love?

And to have your love so close and yet so far away?

I feel it in my bones. It prevails in my heart despite the time that has passed.

and what was i supposed to do when my heart was broken by my first love?

I often wonder how else was it supposed to end? not any other way, right?

naive, i thought that it might never end and that we would just exist forever.

but it ain't work out that way.

i tap into that emotion too easily. it's on the lower shelf so that it can been reached at will.

and even if i don't want to grab it, i can't help it - it's omnipotent - love is - because it exists everywhere so that i can't bind it up and tie it down.

to do so would mean i'm going to erase my memories - because all subsequent loves and my willingness to love is an extension of my first love in you.

and sometimes i wonder if i am looking for another love to replace you.

if i've promised myself somehow not to give you the satisifaction of my love

but in punishing you, i've only left myself in search of satisifcation.

i don't believe you'll be the only man i love. you were just the first. and it still hurts.

i've moving on, of course, there are 2 ton weights attached by strings to my ankles - I must have read the packing wrong...

and i want you to be happy and move on too. but please don't share your heart completely

compartmentalize my love on the side neatly. cus i'mma do the same for you.

i already have.

*inspiration for love songs - emotion experienced first hand - I've got a song in my heart, I'm trying to coax it out slowly*


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